61/365

Overbooked...

So today was jam packed with a long list of things to do. Getting home at 4am and then waking up at 8am didn't exactly help either. We had Caden again today, probably not a wise decision on MY part, but we couldn't really change it either. Then cake delivery at 11am, lunch with Emily at 11:50am til 12:30pm, guests arriving at 1pm...I'm surprised we made it through the day honestly! Also with all the stuff to do Caden didn't get a nap which meant a VERY fussy baby for us. SO stressful.

Loosie's cake turned out wonderful



She was very happy to eat it...



Rachel and Jordan practiced their parenting skills



and then we made the lovely journey to...well Journeys in the 5th Ave mall for me to do some paperwork which took much to long but it's okay because I officially start their the 12th of July and managed to get Drex's birthday off :)
(and found out I'm NOT taking a paycut, and can wear jeans! WHOO!)

From there we decided we were all STARVING so we split up (Rach in my car, Jordan in Drex's) and ventured to Mooses Tooth. (And Rach and I only got a tiny bit lost!) We waited for an hour, which ended up being okay cus it was pretty outside and we got to just chat, and then ate some delicious food, and of course took a picture in the bathroom.



Drex and I also made a new rule for each other...it's called the 'No cellphone rule unless I am at work, or anyone not near him' And when we ARE together we switch cell phones so neither of us can be super distracted. This is mostly for me, since I have a recent addiction to checking Facebook every 5 seconds on my phone, which ultimately leads to me ignoring him, and him getting upset, and not saying anything, which slowly but surely causes division in our relationship.

*note this is only for apps and does not include taking calls or texting haha we still get to communicate with other people :)

60/365

So here I am...sitting in a theater, after spending almost 2 hours standing outside...oh for the love of movie premiers. This better be worth it :)

59/365

So Drex and I along with the rest of the world...will be sitting in a theater tomorrow night/Wednesday morning to see the premier of Twilight: Eclipse. My childhood best friend, and still present day friend, Emma will be coming with us :)

Of course to celebrate such an occasion, I went to Michaels and purchased over 30 dollars worth of t-shirt making materials! I have made a lot of T-shirts in my lifetime, but with these I decided to invest in some stencils to make the whole thing a lot easier.



Not perfect but pretty good for the fact that I rushed through it, and did all of this while watching a movie :) I actually quite like how they came out, though If I had had more time I definitely would have added more. Oh well :)

Anyways, I'm pretty excited for tomorrow night...lots of pictures! Yay :) Speaking of which....I should go charge my camera! Night!

58/365

It's raining, It's pouring...

It decided to rain today. Sadly, when it rains in Alaska, it rains all day. That's one thing I love about the Lower 48, the rain is hard, loud, and over quickly! Drex and I took our chances and walked around the Sunday Market, a very wet experience...

The rest of the day was relaxing...came home and napped for a few hours (I was exhausted for reasons unknown to me!) and then played with the dogs.

Later in the evening Drex and I met up with Rachel and Jordan and had some dinner at Red Robin. As usual the food was delicious, and the drinks were bottomless. Something you just HAVE to take advantage of when dining there. Hanging out and talking to them was a lot of fun. I also really like Jordan, he's quiet, but only because he doesn't find the need to talk for no reason other than talking (a lot like Drex) but he's really nice, and Rachel and Him get along very well :)

I had to use my awesome convincing tactics to get Rachel to take a picture with me.



After the lovely photography, I saw one of those Photo Booth type things and got really excited and convinced Drex to do one with me. (He wasn't exactly thrilled by any means)



We eventually came back home, and nestled into bed to watch Green Zone (semi-boring movie with Matt Damon in it). I've been having these weird fears of a giant earthquake hitting Alaska...and the thought scares the living hell out of me. So tonight I get Loosie, because obviously furry little puppies make everything so much better :)



(plus I hear dogs can sense earthquakes coming? I'm hoping she'll let me know!)

57/365

Today was one of the most interesting days...

It started with going to Snow City Cafe with Emily, Drex, and Caden. During our meal, Caden flipped backwards onto the concrete floor (thank GOD he didn't hurt himself)! Which was an extremely horrifying experience.

And then...I worked 8 hours (also a horrifying experience)

Anyways, I'm exhausted and my feet hurt. So to the bed I go :)

56/365

Losing what you never really had...

I have been hesitant to blog about things that do not directly involve me, I don't want to be sharing gossip to the world, when really and truly it is no ones business. But today I am going to blog about something that doesn't directly involve me, because It is on my mind.

The drama involving Emily, Dan, Mason, and Caden could take a year to explain. Especially since it only seems to escalate. It is Dan and Emily against each other...which sometimes gets in the way of the kids, and what is best for them. Something I believe occured this morning during the most recent trial.

It seems to be Emily gets a restraining against Dan for her son (though he is also Dan's son), Then Dan will get a restraining order against Emily for his son. (Mason). Exactly what happened this morning. Emily was fighting the restraining order Dan was attempting to get to prevent Emily from EVER seeing Mason, but sometimes fighting isn't enough. Especially since Emily has no rights to Mason since he is strictly Dan's son and not hers in anyway aside from marriage which is now ended. Dan won this trial...meaning Emily cannot have any contact with Mason whatsoever.

Have you ever had that feeling where you really honestly think everyone needs to get over themselves and think of the kids. FIRST and foremost. I feel like the whole restraining order is such (forgive my language) bullshit. It doesn't help Caden, and it doesn't help Mason. It doesn't honestly do any good for anyone. But i suppose that's divorce for you. I miss Mason, I even miss Dan. But not in a "I love Dan so much" way, but i miss them being a family.

Mason and I last summer

55/365

Babies babies babies!

My cousin had her first baby today :) a little boy named Grayson Robert Berghuis. He weighs 6lbs 8oz (same as I did when I was born!) and is 20 inches long :) sadly they're all the way in puerto Rico (military) so I don't get to meet him anytime soon.

I also made a trip to the bookstore today, a rare adventure, and bought a book called What Your Doctor May NOT Tell You About Children's Vaccinations. Basically a book written by a pediatrician and her findings on vaccines leading to autism, and other similar diseases. Really good so far!

Then Drex and I volunteered ourselves for childcare for a little while Emily looks for a new daycare. She found out the lady left the tv on all day for the kids, big no no as well as would leave Caden in a room by himself sleeping and go into a different room. Meaning Drex and I get to hangout with Caden more and be the help Emily needs :)

I put in my letter of resignation today for Payless. My last day is July 10, 2010 and I start working at Journeys the week of July 11-July 17th. I'm so excited! Jeans, T-shirts, commission, no straightneing, no filling shoes! Yay :)

54/365

Today was our do nothing day. So literally drex and I basically did nothing. Well nothing stressful anyways. We slept until 1:30pm, and when we finally got up we bought movie tickets for Toy Story 3 (great movie!).

The most productive part of the day was buying Loosie treats and ordering her cake for her first birthday! We were actually able to find someone who makes dog cakes (thank you doggy decadents!) and I'm so excited to see how it turns out! We also started putting together the guest list and discussing having Abby and Bolt (Loosie's cousins) skype in and say happy birthday to her, but we'll see how that works out.

Now it's time to cook dinner, relax, hope my cousin goes into labor, and watch tv!

53/365

Today Drex and I spent a day with Caden. He has such a little personality and it was SO much fun! He got there and everyone decided to take a little nap. (Everyone except me of course, I took this opportunity to shower and get ready for the day)



Of course, after I got out of the shower, Caden decided he wanted to be walked around the apartment instead of just sitting still. So I scooped him up, and we walked back and forth while watching Grease.



After everyone was finished getting ready, we were off to lunch to see his mommy. He was fed, and was quite the happy little baby. Since he needed to nap, we decided to take him to my house, so he could visit with my mom and sister. He was very happy to meet new people.



From there we went to the zoo! We saw all kinds of really cool animals, and we told Caden about all of them. He was especially excited about the big moose!



Of course with all the excitement he decided he needed a nap. But don't worry He still got to have close encounters with all the animals!



Of course eventually it was time to go...and he was a very happy baby :)

52/265

Today was mostly uneventful...

Waking up at noon, making pancakes, and going to work...that was the extent of my Monday. Not that I'm complaining, everyone needs an uneventful day at some point in their week. I'm pretty thankful for it, especially since tomorrow will be somewhat hectic :) Drex and I get to practice our parenting skills!

We're watching Caden from 8am until 5pm, meaning we get to change diapers, feed him, hold him, take him to the zoo (if the weather is nice), carry him in the baby bjorn, and walk him in the stroller! I'm really excited :)

51/365

Celebrating Dads...















...and everything they've taught us, every time they've held us, and every time they've shown their love for us in the smallest and yet most impacting ways.

Thank you Dad for being the greatest dad I could have ever asked for. And thank you Dave for the amazing son you've given me. I love you both.

50/365

Well today Loosie did her first piece of artwork!


It's a painting she made for Drex for fathers day. He is her daddy after all :) I was extremely impressed with her artistic abilities! She's quite the natural. She was a little (lot) unsure of it at first, but once we did it a few times she was really good.

She wasn't a fan of the being washed off after thing, but hey who is? So mommy and Loosie had their bonding time and daddy was exiled to the xbox. (not that he minded haha) Thank goodness for another good day :)

49/365

I'm free. I can breathe again. I can laugh and smile. I can get my much needed sleep.

I quit my class. I couldn't do it. My body was shutting down. My emotions were going crazy. I was hurting myself more than helping. I had to make the decision for myself whether or not to stay. I chose not to. I know I made the right choice for me.

48/365

Perfection...ends in a second. And in that second, everything changes. In that second every dream comes crashing down. Every memory means nothing. Every hope disappears. All that is left is fear. Fear of staying. Fear of leaving. Fear of letting go. Fear of hanging on.

47/365

Reconnecting with the past....

Today I got to hangout with my childhood best friend. I got to show her my puppies, my room, tell her stories, and give her a look into my life. The funny thing is...we're still the same as we were in first grade, second grade, and all the way up to sixth. I'm loud, she's not as loud. She's short, I'm not as short. I laughed hysterically with her. Something I don't find myself doing easily as I've gotten older. We were able to sit down on my bed and just talk. Talk like we hadn't been out of touch for over a year. I think that's something so great about the friends you make as a child. They're the friends that you may never talk to and yet will always understand you.

46/365

Did you know that red is the first color babies can see? Yeah me either.

I started my Early Childhood Education (not development! whoops!) class yesterday and was a little unsure of the whole thing. But we got a lot more in depth today and I realized a lot of the stuff we're learning will actually make me a better parent.

Our main focus is play is the work of young children. Playing is how they learn best. Not being forced or pushed into reading, math, and writing skills, but simply by playing. However, you need to use purposeful play. Games that are teaching them colors, shapes, and numbers. Songs that help them with physical development, fine and gross motor skills. What I also found interesting is NOT giving your child a coloring book. By giving them a pre-drawn picture, you're taking away their creativity. It closes them down, and suddenly puts the pressure on them to color in the lines, and have everything perfect.

We've learned how to identify the right preschool and how important sending your child to preschool is. We've read research on brain development and PIES development. (Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Social)

I have a few years until I'll be a mom, but it's so fun to learn the things that will make me a better mom. These things that will help me encourage my kids to learn, and help me learn how to make learning fun for them. :)

45/365

I'm really proud of myself for keeping up with this blog so far. I mean It was always my intention to...but I thought I would've failed long before this. So props to me! :)

Drex and I have developed a new...hobby? Or perhaps come up with a new goal? Anyways, the plan is to bike every night for the rest of the summer (well as long as we're in town anyway). Hopefully it'll be like this blog...something you just have to do, and end up really looking forward to doing.

I'm exhausted. Today has been a really long day. I woke up at 6am, got ready in 30 minutes, drove to Drexs house to say a quick goodmorning, and was off to KCC until 3pm. From there...it was work until 9:30pm and then a bike ride (yay 2 nights in a row!) and now...this. :)

I've been happier lately. Drex and I have been happier lately. I feel like I'm riding on clouds. Sure, there's the occasional bumps (like work, and KCC) but at the end of the day I'm happy...happy like I just found out he liked me...giddy like a school girl. I'm in love. I wouldn't have it any other way.

44/365

I've been thinking a lot about next year recently. I mean, not just classes but friends, relationships, work, etc. My parents and I have talked a little bit about me going to South full time, just because I don't care about going to Grace and I could graduate early. But it seems like the best and most efficient option is the one my mom has already met with the principal, and guidance counselor numerous times about: taking three classes at Grace and two at UAA.

It's still five classes...but the ones at UAA wouldn't be every day which means certain days I'd have four or five but other days I wouldn't. I look forward to this giant change, even though I'm definitely scared to death about it.

I planned to write more...I wanted to write more...but I have to be up at 6am to go to class and then continue with work. This is definitely going to be a stressful week...

43/365

Last night after work, Drex and I drove out to my Uncles' Cabin, located about two hours outside of Anchorage, which is where we're staying this weekend.

I have always loved it here. I feel the freedom of peacefulness here. I love the simplicity of life. Waking up, throwing whatever on, walking downstairs to your family, and just hanging out outside the whole day. When I'm here, I find I do not worry, or get anxious. I breathe easier, I smile more. I feel like myself.

I love it even more when I get to share it with Drex. He's been here twice before. Once last summer he came, though he did not stay at the cabin but at his sisters, and he came last winter, where he stayed at the cabin. This time, He's staying at the cabin again (since his sister no longer lives out here). It still bewilders me to see how much of a part of the family Drex is. He gets along perfectly with my parents and sister, my aunt, uncle and cousin. He never has to pretend to be better than he is to impress them, because he's already perfect.

I'm happy to be here with everyone I love. I'm also happy that work just happened to give me Saturday and Sunday off. So time to enjoy this weekend and relax, because when I get back, classes start, and so does working.

42/365

Well Drex officially has a place to call his own :) He'd been talking about getting an apartment (since he can't live in a dorm due to Loosie) and today he found one! I'm excited. It'll definitely give him the space he needs. Of course I haven't seen it yet and sadly wont until sometime next week since work has me working a ton next week. (30 hours!)

We're heading up to big lake today and I can't wait! I'm excited to get away with my family (and Drex) for a few days. It's always a relaxing place to go, something I need right now.

I also completed by bedroom project. Well aside from things needing to be hung on the wall, and the small piles organized.


Throwing away things has never felt so great! The hardest part of the organizing I did today though was coming across old pictures. Seeing how I used to be...and seeing how I am now. It's amazing how fast we seem to go from ignorant to knowledgeable. Time definitely goes by so fast. Not that I'm complaining :)

41/365

There are times in my life when I'm selfish and I know I shouldn't be. Times like today. Times when I'm trying to find the perfect fathers day card. Times when Drex tells me he doesn't want to hear them. Times when I get upset and shut down.

I should understand. I should know that Fathers Day is something I need to be sensitive about. But I don't think about it. I don't think about the fact that he no longer has a dad to give fathers day cards to. That his dad was gone in a blink of an eye. That he was there with him. I shouldn't forget. But I do.

40/365

Back to work...

I love going back to work, where I haven't been for 16 days, and having my manager greet me with a giant hug and a "I missed you sooo much!". It makes the whole having to go to work thing a lot less miserable.

Before the summer arrived, and school actually ended, I said that this summer would be all about family. It definitely has been, and I'm loving it. Today Drex and I went to lunch with Emily (Drexs' oldest sister) and her baby Caden.

What a cutie right? He's getting so big, I swear he's grown every time I've seen him! He's a very good baby though. He's quiet, and smiles when you look at him, and sleeps during car rides. The lunch itself was delicious (Mexican food yum yum!), and being able to just spend time with Drex and his family is rewarding all in itself.

The plan for tonight....watch Milo and Otis (or maybe Lord of War?) with Drex, eat pizza bites, and snuggle. Thank goodness for summer :)

39/365

Home projects...

Drex and I spent the day painting. From 8am until about 5pm my room went from lime green to this


It's a lot darker then the green (thank goodness!) the bright color makes it extremely hard to remain sleeping when the sun is shining at all hours of the day. I look forward to this change. A lot of things are changing, and I'm learning to embrace that. I went into my room this morning knowing I needed to clean things and instead ending up throwing almost everything away. Learning to let go is something I've always had a hard time with, but today it was all okay. It was me saying "okay God, I'm willing to let go." And I was. I am. I'm still scared of things, but I know it will be okay. I'm re-doing my room, because I'm re-doing my life. It's time my room reflected that.

38/365

Oh my dearest blog, I am home.

It has never been so nice to be in the comfort of my house, my puppies, and my family. You never realize just how much you love, care for, and need someone until you've been without them for some sort of time. I love being able to walk into my parents room, sit on the bed, and just talk to my mom. I love hearing my familys' stupid jokes, and stories of what they did while I was gone. I love being able to talk to my sister, to make plans, to drive her places, to buy her snacks. I have been blessed with such an amazing family.

Today I hiked flattop. Okay not really, it was more of a walk a little ways and have a picnic. But it was on flattop :) The air is so much more fresh here, and the coolness is so refreshing. I love my home state :)

Also I'm in the process of re-painting my room. Lime green to dark teal! Quite the difference :) but that's the plan for tomorrow. Paint with Drex, blare loud music, and order pizza. Yum yum sounds like a great day to me!

37/365

Well today we're heading home :) It's been a long trip and I'm ready for my normal life again! I've had so much fun though being here and in Orlando and Asheville with Drex. I'm so happy we were given the opportunity to do this!

Though I'm definitely ready to go back to my house and the normal things, work is a whole other story. I mean I miss my coworkers, but the work itself? Not at all. Plus on the 14th of June I start my classes, and slowly say goodbye to my summer. Not that it's really going away, my early childhood development class is only 13 days long (though it's from 8am until 3pm every day). I just have to remember I'm going to be so much happier next school year when I only have 2.5 classes to take! Drex has definitely been my encourager reminding me it's only 13 days (for the first one, then I've got 3 more) and it'll be worth it. Let's hope so! After my ECHD class I've got alg 2, a culinary class, and a workout class. BUT it means next year I only have to take English, government, and 1/2 a semester of bible. Then I'm taking ASL 2 at UAA :)

It's not the senior year most people have in mind, nor one most people want. But then again, I'm not most people. I'm ready to be done, I'm ready to start the rest of my life. I'm doing this for me. I'm excited to meet new people and to see God continue to mold me.

Hello life, here I come :)

36/365

Last day in Florida...and on vacation for that matter.

We spent it outside in 97 degree weather, walking around Busch Gardens. Now a few months ago I would have said 97 degrees is wonderful weather, but it's not. I mean it's really truly not. You just sweat more than you thought you physically could, and get all lightheaded, and feel awful!

After that though we went to the cheesecake factory! Yummmm! Of course the food was quite delicious, and the cheesecake to die for.

HOWEVER the best part of the day was the end! (isn't it usually?) Drex and I both found and purchased barefoot shoes!

Now are those not the most awesome things you have ever laid eyes on? The crazy thing is they're shoes! And trying them on was basically like putting my feet in foot-heaven :)

Well It's time to call it a night!

35/365

Beaches, Sleeping in until noon, dinner at a steakhouse, seeing the grandparents you haven't seen since you were eight, my kind of day :)

The plan was originally to wake up at about 9:30, make breakfast, and be at Bush Gardens at around 11:30. However I woke up this morning with an awful stomachache and it was raining so we decided to post-pone BG until tomorrow. This of course meant Drex and I could go back to bed and sleep until noon, which we did with great enjoyment. By the time we actually got out of the room it was 2:30 and we were supposed to have dinner with my grandparents at 6. So, we decided to go to the beach.


I love being on vacation with my best friend! We got to walk through the warm water and white sand. (Romantic right?) We also got to be the little kids searching for sea shells. It's so funny how the simplest things can be a million times better when you do them with the person you love.

From the beach it was onto dinner, something I was genuinly scared about. I hadn't seen my grandparents since i was eight and the stories I've heard haven't been great. Thankfully though it went fine! Everyone got along, they were nice and talkative and all in all it was good. (Plus we ate at the #1 Rated steakhouse in America in 2007 and 2008)


The day has been fabulous, though I'm looking forward to leaving the humidity in a few days. In the meantime though I'll just relax and enjoy every moment spent with Drex and his mommy.

34/365

Day of shopping? Yes please! :)

That's what our day consisted of. Lots and lots of amazing shopping. I mean I've never been one to be like "WHOO LET'S GO SHOPPING" but today I had a lot of fun. It's been really nice to just relax, not wake up until noon and then make breakfast with my boyfriend :)


Since we both adore breakfast sandwiches we went out and bought groceries so we could make some in the morning. They were amazing! Today hasn't been as eventful as some but I'm loving it. I miss my sister though, I mean thankfully I have a boyfriend that shops with me (a rare find!) but there's nothing like having your sister shop with you :) I just buy her lots of things instead.

Well it's time to curl up and snuggle with my Drexers!

33/365

Goodbye Orlando, hello Tampa!

We said our goodbyes to Disney world today and began our drive to Tampa, Florida. We arrived at the rental car place only to be told we instead were getting a giant white suburban instead of the small suv we had asked for. (something about a free upgrade?) So we embraced the roominess of it and were on our way! Drex was given the job of driver not only because he is a better driver but also because he can actually understand the gps my parents let us borrow for the trip. Basically the car we got...is a boat. On the bright side it's all leather (though the leather is black which is more on the downside of things) and new smelling which is always good...right? It is clean looking though and i am a fan of white cars. We'll see how it does.

Thankfully today has been better than yesterday. Though the day itself was great yesterday (filled with rides and mini golf as Drex and I celebrated our 13 months) the night brought its own challenges as it usually does. I thought about my life. The way I've lived it, the things I've done, and the labels I've earned for myself. There are some I am proud of: daughter, friend, child, girlfriend, Christian. There are others I'm not. There are things I've participated in that I regret, memories that i wish were not made, things I've done that i never thought I'd do. I have held dear to certain things and let go of others. I have watched myself love, break, cry, laugh, and trust. I have let myself hope only to be disappointed, i have kept quiet so I would not cause turmoil, I have spoke in order to save. I am not perfect but I have never said to be. I am thankful for every situation that God has brought into my life. I am thankful for a family that has been able to lift me up even when they didn't know i was down. I am thankful for a boyfriend who has helped me through the worst of my trials and been by my side through all of it. I am thankful for a God who has protected me, shielded me, loved me, saved me, and brought me out of hell with little scars.

I am me because of every person that has come into my life, every situation that I have encountered, every tear I have cried and every laugh I have laughed. I never want to be sad because of things I have done, because they have made me who I am.

"I've had my moments, days in the sun
Moments I was second to none
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do"
-Moments by Emerson Drive.

32/365

Falling in love all over again :)

Today Drex and I celebrate 13 months. Lucky for us we get to spend it in Disney world! (which means the most romantic part of the day will be me begging him to rub aloe on my poor legs haha) I sometimes remember being little and always wanting my "prince charming" (though for me it was more of a perfect 'ken doll') nonetheless I look at my life now and I realize I have him. Now sure his name isn't Ken and he doesn't live in a castle but he's all mine :) even after 13 months one look still gives me butterflies, and I find myself falling in love with him over and over again. There is nothing more I could ask for or dream of. My imagination couldn't have thought of better. I don't tell him thank you near enough. I don't tell him how perfect he is near enough. Oh how I wish I could find the words that somehow could truly tell him how much I love him, how important he is to me, and how deeply thankful I am for every hug, kiss, and talk he's ever given me. But until I do, those three simple words will have to do. I love you Drex David Adams. I love you now, and I'll love you forever.