There are moments in which I am so angry I could kill someone. Moments I have to lock myself in my room. Moments I have to tell Drex to not touch me in fear that I will hit him. Moments when I scream. Moments when I feel like jumping out a window, or putting a bullet in my head. Moments when I feel possessed. Moments like these.
I am able to control it better now. I can feel it coming. I can ask Drex to leave the room. But these moments of anger still creep up on me. They over take me. They control me.
I have cracked my door from punching it. I have broken a wallet from throwing it at a wall. I have ripped off a necklace and broken the chain.
Because in that moment I lose control. I lose my sanity. I plead with myself to stop, to calm down. I tell myself it's not a big deal, to let it go, and yet...there is a bigger part of me that takes over.
In that moment, I am trapped and have no where to run.