145/365

Sometimes Drex and I forget to have fun. We get so caught up in the dogs, family, drama, school, etc. that we just do everything routinely, without a laugh or a smile. Hardly enjoying the afternoons at all. But not today. Last night we talked about it, we cried, we discussed, we talked about everything that was wrong, and that made it right. We went in not being happy and came out happy simply because we talked and had a real conversation.

So today we enjoyed ourselves. We went to Mr. Prime Beef and got the dogs some bones and us some ground beef. We went grocery shopping. We went to the apartment and made tacos, locked the dogs on the balcony with raw bones, and played Halo. We drank lots of grape soda and ate Cheetos. We blared the radio on the way home and sang along. We laughed and smiled and fell in love all over again.

I needed that, we needed that.

92/365

I didn't know how I was going to make it through this week. Lets face it, I'm not a patient person, especially when it comes to puppies. On Monday when we first decided to go ahead and purchase one, the whole thing was totally surreal. On Tuesday we were told the one we had asked for originally 'Spot' had been sold. My spirits were totally crushed. They offered us the last puppy, 'Zorro'.

We talked about calling the whole thing off. Just deciding to wait, because obviously it just wasn't meant to be. But we decided to give it one more try and go for 'Zorro'. Drex contacted the breeder, and all the puzzle pieces fell nicely in place.

In 24 hours I will be able to hold him, smell him, snuggle him. I get to leave all the stress and anxiety of not getting him behind. I cannot wait. I can't wait to see how he sleeps, what his bark sounds like, how him and Loosie get along. I can't wait to take him to the dog park, to throw balls for him, to teach him how to sit, come, lay down, and stay.

We also made another trip to the dog park today. Loosies' last day being an only puppy. I've been experimenting with my camera trying to actually take decent looking pictures. So here's my attempt. :)

86/365

So yesterday, after my not so awesome morning, we took the dogs out to Girdwood for a hike. We hiked crow creek mine, and it was tons of fun. We used the hand tram to go over a cliff/river (which was way higher up and scarier than it looked). We went a total of 3 miles in the rain and mud but all in all it was fun and good exercise.


(using the tram)



(me and my awesome hiking attire...I resemble my mom a lot in this picture)

Bonnie, Matt, Abby, and Bolty left tonight :( The trip went so much better than I had expected and I'm really going to miss them. On a positive note, now I get Drexy and Loosie all to myself :)

85/365

You know what's awesome?

Taking family pictures when no one wants to be there. AND while everyone is secretly pissed off at each other.

Or taking hours to do your hair for the pictures and after the first one getting breast milk spit all into it and on your clothes because someone doesn't know how to burp their child.

Or getting in a fight with your boyfriend because he left you to cry all by yourself.




I just can't decided which one of those things is the GREATEST moment of today.

84/365

One of the most rewarding things in life is sitting in the grass watching your family and puppies run wild. At that moment it doesn't even matter that the wind is blowing your hair in your face, or causing goose bumps to overtake your legs. The only thing that matters is them.

I got a hair cut today (eep!). I hadn't had one in over a year, so my ends were basically dying.



Ta daaa! I like it. I mean I loved the length it was at but it was sooo unhealthy and hard to do. So this is a nice change :)

83/365

So since yesterday I couldn't write...i figured I'd relay what occurred yesterday onto todays' blog post.

We woke up early and drove to Seward. Matt had never been there and Bonnie hadn't been there in 15+ years. The drive of course is gorgeous and the dogs behaved SO well! I was very impressed :) We walked around Seward, ate some gelato, went to the Sea Life Center, and ate giant cinnamon rolls. It was a very fun filled day.

This was followed by driving back to Anchorage, letting the dogs play in the dog park, giving them baths at Monster Wash, and eating a very very late dinner at Mooses Tooth.

Our dinner, consumed at 12:30am, was followed by me throwing up twice at Drexs' house, and once at my own. Such a lovely conclusion to a fantastic day.

81/365

First day without a headache in which feels like forever! I used to never get them. Never ever ever. Until recently. And recently they've been awful. Recently all I can do is take advil and hope they go away. I've had to start a headache log, I've had to drink lots and lots of water. It sucks. First day of family time...was good. Surprisingly. I think it's way more bearable since the dogs are here. Plus I like Bonnie and Matt. Speaking of which...we're off to Seward early in the am so off to bed I go :)

80/365

Well Bonnie and Matt (Drexs' sister and brother in law), fly in tonight along with their two dogs Abby and Bolt. I'm having mixed
feelings about the whole thing...mostly because every other time they've been here it's for the drama that follows the family constantly. This time however they're here for us. I know it'll be good, fun, and an awesome week. But sometimes it's hard
to share Drex...I'm not used to him loving someone else almost as much as me, or enjoying spending constant time with anyone else other than me. It'll be okay. I know that. :)

70/365

Sunny Days at the lake :)




Not a cute picture but it shows how CRAZY my freckles have decided to be.



One happy beagle baby :)

68/365

I quit my job today. Okay not technically, more like I'm not going to be showing up for my scheduled days. Nor will any of my coworkers (aside from one new girl). More or less it's in support for our beloved and amazing manager. I LOVE my manager, i didn't really know if I would or not...though I had hoped that I would befriend all my coworkers and get along well with my manager. Lucky for me, I have...(had?) the best coworkers I could have ever asked for, and the absolute best manager hands down. Thankfully my favoritest coworker (and good friend) recently (as in today) got hired at the Journeys at Diamond so we will be reunited in a few months! (can't wait!) Basically there were some issues with the whole thing, and my coworkers and I are...well not showing up again. I'm a little nervous about the whole...ditching on work thing....but I know it's for the best. Thankfully my manager will be moving to Journeys with me...well more me going with her...so it's not goodbye :) I have truly been blessed with extraordinary coworkers and an extraordinary manager.

So I say goodbye to my first job...it's not the way I planned on leaving, but the greatest things aren't planned nor expected right? I can say I have "work experience" under my belt, and I know my manager will give me basically the greatest reference ever if I needed it. We're the girls that tell each other they love each other on the phone, and make secret handshakes in the back room. I'm glad to be moving on...I feel like this change will be awesome, though I'm definitely a little nervous about the whole thing. However I know I have a million people ready to support me. Thank goodness for that :)

65/365

Happy Birthday America :)

64/365

There a million things I've learned this summer, some are small and mostly irrelevant, others are not. I've learned that just because someone might carry the label "friend" does not mean they are one. I've learned that ultimately family is much more important than friends, and that when people say friends are essential, they are wrong. Family is essential. The members in my family are my best friends. Because no matter what I do, say, or don't do, they will ALWAYS love me, ALWAYS be there for me, and NOT post comments on facebook obviously referring to me. :)

Example:

A: I miss old times with all the girls.
A: Well some :p
B: hahahaha I know exactly what you mean.

(and blah blah blah)

But thankfully, in all my lovely lessons learned this summer, I've learned that I don't need people like I think I do. I've learned I'm okay with just being ME. My family has extended a lot in the past year, I have now have three sisters, instead of just one. I have one ultimate mom figure, but another that treats me as her daughter. I have a nephew, whom I love dearly, and I have a boyfriend who has helped me get through all my tears. That family, are the people I want and need most in my life. Those people are the ones I can't do without.

Last night Drex and I drove out to Eagle River to hang out with Emily. We got Caden an exersaucer



which he obviously loves. (Actually I bought Caden the excersaucer cus I love him more than anything!) I got to read him his bedtime story, and change his diaper, and help put him to bed :) Then we just hung out and talked to Emily about basically everything for a few hours.

I also forgot to mention Drex and I celebrated our 14 months a few days ago! We made quite the painting



I love my boyfriend so much :)

62/365

This should have been yesterdays blog post...It should have been, but it wasn't. In all the chaos of the day, I forgot. I forgot to remember.

Yesterday I celebrated Drex's life. The life he almost didn't get to live. The one that was almost taken away from him. Yesterday 6 years ago, Drex walked out of a car accident and his dad didn't.

There will always be days when I feel helpless. Knowing I cannot change anything, cannot make anything better, cannot say or do anything to take away the pain. It is these days and nights in which we curl up together and cry. It is in these moments where we grow closer, stronger, and love each other all the more. We learn to depend on each other and to trust each other.

So thank you God. Thank you for sparing Drex. Thank you for protecting him. And thank you for bringing him into my life.

56/365

Losing what you never really had...

I have been hesitant to blog about things that do not directly involve me, I don't want to be sharing gossip to the world, when really and truly it is no ones business. But today I am going to blog about something that doesn't directly involve me, because It is on my mind.

The drama involving Emily, Dan, Mason, and Caden could take a year to explain. Especially since it only seems to escalate. It is Dan and Emily against each other...which sometimes gets in the way of the kids, and what is best for them. Something I believe occured this morning during the most recent trial.

It seems to be Emily gets a restraining against Dan for her son (though he is also Dan's son), Then Dan will get a restraining order against Emily for his son. (Mason). Exactly what happened this morning. Emily was fighting the restraining order Dan was attempting to get to prevent Emily from EVER seeing Mason, but sometimes fighting isn't enough. Especially since Emily has no rights to Mason since he is strictly Dan's son and not hers in anyway aside from marriage which is now ended. Dan won this trial...meaning Emily cannot have any contact with Mason whatsoever.

Have you ever had that feeling where you really honestly think everyone needs to get over themselves and think of the kids. FIRST and foremost. I feel like the whole restraining order is such (forgive my language) bullshit. It doesn't help Caden, and it doesn't help Mason. It doesn't honestly do any good for anyone. But i suppose that's divorce for you. I miss Mason, I even miss Dan. But not in a "I love Dan so much" way, but i miss them being a family.

Mason and I last summer

51/365

Celebrating Dads...















...and everything they've taught us, every time they've held us, and every time they've shown their love for us in the smallest and yet most impacting ways.

Thank you Dad for being the greatest dad I could have ever asked for. And thank you Dave for the amazing son you've given me. I love you both.

47/365

Reconnecting with the past....

Today I got to hangout with my childhood best friend. I got to show her my puppies, my room, tell her stories, and give her a look into my life. The funny thing is...we're still the same as we were in first grade, second grade, and all the way up to sixth. I'm loud, she's not as loud. She's short, I'm not as short. I laughed hysterically with her. Something I don't find myself doing easily as I've gotten older. We were able to sit down on my bed and just talk. Talk like we hadn't been out of touch for over a year. I think that's something so great about the friends you make as a child. They're the friends that you may never talk to and yet will always understand you.

46/365

Did you know that red is the first color babies can see? Yeah me either.

I started my Early Childhood Education (not development! whoops!) class yesterday and was a little unsure of the whole thing. But we got a lot more in depth today and I realized a lot of the stuff we're learning will actually make me a better parent.

Our main focus is play is the work of young children. Playing is how they learn best. Not being forced or pushed into reading, math, and writing skills, but simply by playing. However, you need to use purposeful play. Games that are teaching them colors, shapes, and numbers. Songs that help them with physical development, fine and gross motor skills. What I also found interesting is NOT giving your child a coloring book. By giving them a pre-drawn picture, you're taking away their creativity. It closes them down, and suddenly puts the pressure on them to color in the lines, and have everything perfect.

We've learned how to identify the right preschool and how important sending your child to preschool is. We've read research on brain development and PIES development. (Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, Social)

I have a few years until I'll be a mom, but it's so fun to learn the things that will make me a better mom. These things that will help me encourage my kids to learn, and help me learn how to make learning fun for them. :)

44/365

I've been thinking a lot about next year recently. I mean, not just classes but friends, relationships, work, etc. My parents and I have talked a little bit about me going to South full time, just because I don't care about going to Grace and I could graduate early. But it seems like the best and most efficient option is the one my mom has already met with the principal, and guidance counselor numerous times about: taking three classes at Grace and two at UAA.

It's still five classes...but the ones at UAA wouldn't be every day which means certain days I'd have four or five but other days I wouldn't. I look forward to this giant change, even though I'm definitely scared to death about it.

I planned to write more...I wanted to write more...but I have to be up at 6am to go to class and then continue with work. This is definitely going to be a stressful week...

43/365

Last night after work, Drex and I drove out to my Uncles' Cabin, located about two hours outside of Anchorage, which is where we're staying this weekend.

I have always loved it here. I feel the freedom of peacefulness here. I love the simplicity of life. Waking up, throwing whatever on, walking downstairs to your family, and just hanging out outside the whole day. When I'm here, I find I do not worry, or get anxious. I breathe easier, I smile more. I feel like myself.

I love it even more when I get to share it with Drex. He's been here twice before. Once last summer he came, though he did not stay at the cabin but at his sisters, and he came last winter, where he stayed at the cabin. This time, He's staying at the cabin again (since his sister no longer lives out here). It still bewilders me to see how much of a part of the family Drex is. He gets along perfectly with my parents and sister, my aunt, uncle and cousin. He never has to pretend to be better than he is to impress them, because he's already perfect.

I'm happy to be here with everyone I love. I'm also happy that work just happened to give me Saturday and Sunday off. So time to enjoy this weekend and relax, because when I get back, classes start, and so does working.

40/365

Back to work...

I love going back to work, where I haven't been for 16 days, and having my manager greet me with a giant hug and a "I missed you sooo much!". It makes the whole having to go to work thing a lot less miserable.

Before the summer arrived, and school actually ended, I said that this summer would be all about family. It definitely has been, and I'm loving it. Today Drex and I went to lunch with Emily (Drexs' oldest sister) and her baby Caden.

What a cutie right? He's getting so big, I swear he's grown every time I've seen him! He's a very good baby though. He's quiet, and smiles when you look at him, and sleeps during car rides. The lunch itself was delicious (Mexican food yum yum!), and being able to just spend time with Drex and his family is rewarding all in itself.

The plan for tonight....watch Milo and Otis (or maybe Lord of War?) with Drex, eat pizza bites, and snuggle. Thank goodness for summer :)