The secret

I had a friend ask me earlier today how Drex and I have managed to stay together so long, and still maintain a strong relationship. (Obviously we aren't always happy but overall we are.) I've had a lot of boyfriends....(oh confessions) and I've liked most of them quite a lot, so i wouldn't say it's because I like Drex the best, (I do obviously but I think there's more to it than that).

So, anyways, this question got me thinking. I mean we all want to know how to make relationships last and flourish for as long as possible right? I can pin point two things that I believe have helped us last so long.

1.) We don't do awkward.

-I remember at the very beginning of our relationship we told each other we "don't do awkward". A lot of people find it weird and shocking that Drex and I can talk about bathroom habits or fart in front of each other but it all goes back to not being awkward around each other. It means we can share things that some may deem inappropriate, or even have awkward conversations, but we get over it and just move on. It's been extremely helpful. Who knew adding a little bathroom talk could make your relationship awesome?! :P

2.) No secrets.

-I think this is the biggest thing. We tell each other everything. We're brutally honest with each other, and though it may cause arguments or hurt feelings, it makes us stronger.

Obviously, I'm no relationship expert, but hey I'm just babbling on, but that's what blogging is for...right?

182/365

Stomach flu. I woke up puking at 8:30 in the morning and that continued throughout the day. I literally didn't leave the house at all. Oh well, we all need a sick day :)

DAY TWELVE-Something you never get compliments on.

My arms.

181/365

I've written about Nitro, but not a lot about his growth.

He is four months old, five months on November 8th. He weighs 26 lbs and has had all of his vaccinations. Including his puppy rabies. He won't need another shot until he's about a year. His coat is growing in. He's going to be a smooth coat and I'm really glad because his mom was a smooth coat and his dad was a long coat. So we weren't sure what HIS coat was going to look like.



He's become a true fetch dog. He gets the ball wherever you are and just patiently waits for you to throw it. Example



He's tons of fun and it's been exciting seeing him grow up. :)

DAY ELEVEN-Something people seem to compliment you the most on

My cheeks. I've been told many times I have nice big cheek bones. I don't necessarily agree but that's okay :)

180/365

DAY TEN-Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Almost always I will say there is no one I wish I hadn't met and that everyone I had met had impacted me in some way. But there is ONE person who I wish I had never ever met. Caleb Harris. Knowing him has been completely pointless. He is the cockiest most self centered person I know. I honestly wish he had never come to Grace, let alone entered my life.

179/365

DAY NINE-Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

Destinee and I had been best friends since 8th grade. We did everything together. It was just her and I against the world. Then March of 2010 hit and her and her boyfriend of 1 and a half years broke up. The night of, her and I hopped on a plane to Russia. We were truly on fire for God during that trip.

When we came back I made the assumption that she would be over guys. That she had healed. That she was going to figure out who she was in God.

That didn't happen. When we came back it was suddenly about "getting back out there, having fun, and being single but still having friends with benefits." I didn't agree with this. It made me so angry. It was so different then what I had witnessed in Russia. It was then that we started growing apart and when she decided to make this summer "one to remember" we just stopped hanging out.

Then as the school year started we began hanging out again. But then that "summer to remember" bit her and the rest of my friends in the butt and got them expelled from school. It was a big shock and a big change. Because all of them left my school I had to make other friends. When me having other friends became just one other thing to argue about, I gave up.

It's actually been really good. Not having a group of friends has allowed me to branch out and see the best in everyone. I'm thankful for everything that has happened.

178/365

Last night I spent the night with Nicole at a house she was house sitting. It's owned by the people who own Quiznos. And it was HUGE. They have three separate garages, ONE of those is a five car garage. Crazy. They also have two gorgeous German Shepherds that we got to sleep with. I realized today this is the second saturday in a row that I spent the night with Nicole. Totally weird and rare for me! But nice, because I don't feel like I have to but instead I want to. It's a very nice feeling.

DAY EIGHT -Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

I don't even know.

177/365

Well today hasn't been anything special. Took the dogs on a nice long walk, Loosie fell through the ice, and Drex and I both had very cold fingers but other than that it's been a fairly quiet day. Tonight I'm staying the night with Nicole at a house she's house sitting for which should be enjoyable. While I'm off doing that, Drex is having his friends over to his moms house (she's out of town) to play halo and stay the night there. So we will both be busy with friends. I'm looking forward to tonight.

DAY SEVEN -Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Okay so this might be one of those super cheesy posts. There are lots of people who have made my life worth living for. Most recently would be my dearest boyfriend. Drex has taught me so many things. Because of all the things he's dealt with in life, I've learned to not take things forgranted. I've learned to appreciate the ability to breathe, or the assurance that I will have a roof over my head at night.

176/365

Well today we didn't have school due to parent teacher conference, which meant I got to sleep in and do a whole lot of nothing today. (Aside from watching Jersey Shore constantly!) When we did finally go out of the house I got myself a new jacket (purple yay!) and some new clothes.

We also managed to get some pictures of our little family






DAY SIX -Something you hope you never have to do.

I hope I never have to make the decision of whether or not to pull the plug. Just thinking about it terrifies me. I don't think I could handle the pressure to literally choose between life or death. So hopefully, I'll never be faced with that decision.

175/365

Well today I skipped school. My mom got surgery so she let me stay home with her. (Plus I had a paper to write that I didn't want to do haha) Thankfully her surgery went well, though she said this was the most painful time. (They go in and burn her nerves and she can feel it all) We took the dogs on a walk, and got Nitro some booties.


They're super hardcore and from REI. Complete with Vibram soles!

DAY FIVE- Something you hope to do in your life.

I want to have babies. I love kids. I always have, and always will, and nothing sounds greater and more rewarding to me than having kids.

174/365

DAY 4-Something you have to forgive someone else for

I suppose there are lots of things to forgive other people for. People wrong each other every day. But i need to forgive my pastor, for leaving me crying in a room unwilling to help. I made myself vulnerable, asking for him to assist because I felt so overwhelmed, and he walked out on me. I have held that grudge against him for a long time. But It's time I get over it and move on. The past is the past, it cannot be changed. We can only use it to our benefit in the present.

173/365

Today...I drove past my house on the way to school and saw this.



It was weird to see that For Sale sign for the first time. In that instant it all kind of became real to me. This isn't just something we way is happening, or we talk about happening, this IS happening. I cannot imagine living in a different state, driving on different roads, living in a different house. But I know it will be good. I know that change is necessary and not only that but it's exciting. This year there is a lot going on. Lots of trips planned and lots of changes. I can't wait to move into a new house in Oregon, to decorate a room, to make dinner in a new kitchen. We're all pretty stressed, but that's the beauty of moving. Lots and lots of stress.

We also went to the dog park today, and I got some pictures of the babies.




It was a good day :)

DAY THREE-Something you need to forgive yourself for

There are things that I have done that are so heavy I cannot bring myself to write about them. It is these things that I need to forgive myself for. I know that's vague, but there are somethings that you just cannot write.

172/365

I got a little behind with the 30 days of truth since I wrote about semi formal. But here we go, back on track.

DAY TWO-Something you love about yourself

I love that I am so close to my family. I have a really great relationship with both my parents and my sister. I love that we are able to talk about just about everything, and they always have advice to give. I know there all lots of kids out there that don't have good relationships with there parents so I am fortunate that I do.

Also, our house is officially up for sale. Flyers go up in the yard tonight, but the add on craigslist was posted last night. :)

171/365

So yesterday was Semi Formal :)

It began with me waking up and going to Nicole's house at 12. We took a cat to the pound...and it attacked the officials, and 6 officers had to come and try to catch it and it was SO crazy, but hilarious :) Then we drove alllll the way out to Wasilla to get a kitten, whom Nicole named Valley since we got her in the valley.



Then we drove back to Nicole's and got ready. We decided to do CRAZY curls on me, because I wanted to haha. I didn't love my hair, my bangs were to long, BUT I had SO much fun.

We took pictures before we left, and then went to dinner at Chilis.



Then it was off to semi formal. The lip syncs were hilarious, and the dessert delicious. After that Drex, Chase, Nicole, and I went back to Nicole's to watch a movie. The boys stayed there til 2am and then Nicole and I went to bed. We got to sleep in her moms huge giant cushy bed, (her mom is out of state so it was just her and I there) and her lab snuggled with me all night :) Best sleep ever! (But don't let Drex hear that).

I had a wonderful night. Better than I would have ever expected.

170/365

Semi Formal :) I'll write ALL about it tomorrow!

169/365

So along with my 365, I'm going to be do doing something called "30 days of truth" which I found when browsing through the blogosphere.

DAY ONE-Something you hate about yourself

I hate that I judge people so easily. I look at someone and see ONE thing I don't like, and then hold it against that person. I wish I wasn't so quick to judge. Because people so often prove us wrong. :)

168/365

Caps, Gowns, and Graduation announcements. Since our class meeting yesterday, I feel more like I'm graduating. We got our order forms which are do ASAP and discussed where the ceremony will be held. (Since it can't be held at the school due to fire code) We had to fill out a sheet for our diplomas and the names we want on our bibles.

I'm ready to graduate. But in a different way then I was a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago I was desperate to be away from Grace. SO ready to just quit and call it good. I was ready to escape. But now, I'm excited. I look forward to not only the rest of this year, but what's after it. I'm excited to leave home, to live in the dorms, to meet new people.

This year started off so awful but it's getting so much better. Not just for me. Take Elizabeth for example, she has been given the opportunity to go on a mission trip to Cambodia, a trip she probably wouldn't have had the opportunity to go on if she was still at Grace. God works in mysterious way, and I truly believe this year will be great.

167/365

"When we were children we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable, but to grow up is to accept vulnerability , to be alive is to be vulnerable."
-Madeleine L'Engle

In the past few weeks God has removed me from my comfort zone. He has taken away school as I once knew it. He broke me. He still is breaking me. Yet I feel at peace. I am not angry with how things have turned out. I trust that God has a plan for me, for Destinee, for Elizabeth, for Emily, for Rachel, and for Tawni.

These girls, (listed above) have been my best friends throughout high school. We have fought, cried, and laughed together. We have seen each other through breakups and enormous amounts of change.

This past year however, our goals and priorities have changed. While they want to stay here for college, get apartments, and live together; I don't. I'm leaving the state, living in the dorms, and starting over. I won't miss it here, I'm ready for change.

So we say goodbye. We learn to let go.

These girls will always be important to me. I will always care about them and continue to be thankful for all they've supported me through. But sometimes we have to walk away, and know that it's okay.

166/365

Today I planned this elaborate post about change, friends, and letting go. But then I came home and got this in the mail...



Which means...I got accepted to college! YAYYY!

165/365

So today...I tried to have fun. And I did.

A few weeks ago Nicole (a girl from my school) invited me to go dress shopping with her for a semi formal dress. We both ended up really busy so today she asked me if I could come and so I decided to make the effort, and go.

It actually ended up being really fun.

First, we got our nails done.





And then we went dress shopping.



And then we went to Target and got Footy Pajamas :)




And got some matching slippers. And M&M's. And Dr. Pepper.

Yum :)

164/365

Sometimes selling shoes takes the same effect as a drug. It's addicting. I love getting into that "mode". The one where all you can think about it selling more. Where it becomes a dance. Take shoe from customer, look at number, walk into the back room, climb the ladder, take shoe out, repeat. It becomes one fluid motion. And every once in awhile, it's enjoyable. Exhausting, but enjoyable. There are parts of my job I hate, like the dealing with angry customers. But there are other parts that I love, like putting a smile on a families face because their son is mentally handicapped and no other place has taken the time to find him a pair of shoes that truly fit. Every once in awhile there is a customer who makes all the chaos and stress worth it.

(I also ordered a coach bag today! With part of my PFD!)



I'm SO excited :)