130/365

There was a time in which I used to fit in in high school. I was loud, funny, comfortable. I could talk to strangers, be totally obnoxious in class, and yet be totally okay with that. I'm not anymore. I don't feel like I fit in at all. Like I'm trapped in the skin of a high school student. Somewhere down the road, I grew up. Though I am happy about that in so many ways, there are others in which I hate it.

Part of me wishes I could still be....carefree. But reality struck me. That one moment that changed everything. It made me grow up. It made me quiet, distance, secret. The one thing that in an instance, put all the weight of the world on my shoulders. I so wish I could forget it and move on. But I can't. I never will be able to. It will haunt me, everyday, and every moment of my life.

97/365

I have a purpose.



I was put here for a reason.



When I was little I couldn't wait to discover it...



Perhaps it was to be an Olympic swimmer



A professional baseball star...



Or maybe even a princess...



But somewhere down the road I stopped looking for it...



And decided to be whatever people wanted me to be...

Missionary...



Girlfriend...



Daughter...



I have come a long way. I no longer aspire to be the perfect friend, girlfriend, daughter, person.

And I'm ready again...I'm ready to dream, to search, to find the reason God placed me here. I am ready to fulfill that purpose.

69/365

This is my best friend



We've been to two different countries with each other





Guatemala and Russia.

We've been told we look the same...



But we don't really think so.

We fight. We make each other cry. We get mad. But no matter what, She'll always and forever be my best friend.

67/365

I miss this.



Sure, my hair looks awful, Drex looks like an idiot, and Tyler looks a little like a crow, but in this picture we all shared something. We were all in love with the person standing next to us. I miss this picture for my own selfish reasons. Sure, we all fought, but at the end of the day we were happy. At the end of the day we weren't wondering if we would be happy again, or who would come into our lives next. We were content, we were in love, we were happy.

I miss this.



I miss this glow, this sanity, this joy. I miss the feeling of new love that no one could take away. I miss knowing that no one was going to do something utterly and completely stupid. That at the end of the day no one was going to do anything unsafe. Because we were all full of happy.

I miss this.



I miss the days in which I didn't have to go to work, worry about waking up on time, planning things around my work schedule. I miss the days when I didn't look forward to my days off, when I felt like I had time for my boyfriend, my friends, my family, and myself.

I am happy, don't get me wrong. But I no longer possess the happiness that is carefree and light. I miss that.