31/365

Waiting for the storm to pass...

I wish so badly the storms in life were just like the storms in the south. They come out of nowhere but last only moments. They wake you up and make you thankful for the sunshine. They cool you off in the ridiculous heat. They terrify you and make you cling to those you are near. I wish my storms would pass as quickly as these do. I wish I could look up into the sky and see the sun shining through, letting me know it's almost over. Oh how I wish life worked liked that.

30/365

I really don't want to blog tonight...I'm not sure why, maybe it's the fact that I'm laying in an uncomfortable bed with burned feet, legs, and arms feeling like I'm boiling, or maybe it's the headache I can feel coming on, or maybe it's that I'm finally laying down and all I want to do is close my eyes and drift off to sleep. I think it's all three actually. Nonetheless it's been a long day and I'm quite ready to curl up in my bed, close my eyes, and let myself relax for a few hours. So that's what I plan to do...


Zzzzzzz.....

29/365

Rain rain go away please come back another day...

That was the song I sang today. Sadly, mother nature decided not to listen to my pleas and instead it rained all day long. We ventured off to seaworld, bought ponchos, and sucked it up. Thankfully the rain doesn't ruin everything and though we all looked soggy and smelled like wet dog we had fun :) we rode two giant roller coasters which was terrifying but oh so enjoyable!

Later that night I met my first semi-celebrity, Crystal Bowersox! She was the runner up on the 9th season of American Idol! Whoo hoo! She was at the same hotel we were and I gladly made a fool of myself :) anyways that was pretty cool since in Alaska we don't see anyone famous. Well it's time to call it a night!

28/365

I remember when my parents were leaving our old church. The whole situation was a mess but I often remember how my parents used that to talk to my sister and I about leaving our 'comfort zones'. I suppose I never understood that to it's fullest. I also remember how rumors were spread, and old friends believed them and began to talk meanly about our family. I never understood how disturbed they must have felt, or the way that affected them in their daily routine. Neither of these things became a reality to me until now. This time however, it is not my family but me, and it is not a church, but friends.

I have been hesitant to write about this. Mostly because I do my best to not let it myself think about it. But it haunts me. I dream about it every night, I do not sleep soundly. I get this sick twisted feeling in my stomach, and I want to throw up. I want my name to be cleared. I want people to believe me, to realize I'm not the bad guy here, I don't deserve that label. I cannot look at my phone without fear of a nasty text, I can't answer without fear of being screamed at. And yet I know...I did nothing.

I long for the comfort of my bed, the lick of my puppy. But these things are not available to me. I need to relax and stop being so stressed. It's the impossible task. I know I am growing and learning and for that I am truly thankful. I wish I could make my anxiety disappear but sadly I know that healing takes time. So instead I love and live. I embrace every moment and know that someday I will look back and tell my children about this. I will watch them like my own mother watches me. I will hurt as they hurt and smile as they smile. I will share in their dreams, their laughs, and their tears. I will tell them they are being molded into the man or woman God wants them to be. But until then...I will listen to my own mother tell me this and I will do my best to believe her.

27/365

90 degrees is not as amazing as it sounds. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love the warmer weather, but 90 degrees is like burning in hell. Quite literally. I burned my left shoulder quite bad. Just moving my arm up and down is dreadfully painful. Ouch. However due to the insanely hot weather we decided to spend the day at one of the two Disney waterparks. It was a blast! Drex and I rode on our first waterslide together :) the bannana blaster to be exact. Drex thoroughly enjoyed the name haha. We spent 5 hours there and then journeyed back to the hotel for a lovely dinner, which is where we are now :) i'd love to write more but there's things to do and places to see!

26/365

In these past few weeks and especially these last few days, I've learned how much I still need my mom. I used to wonder sometimes how close my mom and I would be when I moved out or went off to college, and though those things have yet to happen, I have noticed that just being on vacation without her, we're still very close. We talk on the phone everyday, and text continuously throughout it. She's still that trusted person to go to when nothing makes sense and I feel like I'm breaking apart. She cries for me, and smiles for me. She's supportive when I need her to be and brutally honest. Her love for me is so evident in my daily life and even though my mom and I have had and will continue to have our differences, I know she's there when I need to talk or need support. I hope that someday my kids will look at me like this too, and realize that I really will always be there when they need me. No matter how old I get, I'll always need my mommy.

Disney world has been great fun :) I was served breakfast in bed today (yay for room service!) which started the day on a good start. It's 88 degrees now and then sun is hot! Drex and I made the not so brilliant decision to go without sunscreen today (rather be red than white right?) so I fried, and can feel my shoulders crispening. At least I know the sun does work right?! It's so weird being 4 hours ahead of home, while we're eating dinner they're finishing lunch. Oh for the love of times zones :) alrighty well we're off to epcot!

25/365

We are without wifi right now (unless I want to pay 10 dollars to use it...which I don't :)
anyways, today was our first day in disney world! It's so warm and hot and perfect! Sadly typing on my phone isn't easy and so this is going to be the shortest blog entry in history! Byee :)